Laugh Like Pee-wee (2015)
Laugh Like Pee-wee 2015 was the sixth installment of the annual Laugh Like Pee-wee event, held on January 25, 2015. The show was highlighted by the 30-man Laugh Like Pee-wee match, Sheamus defending the World Heavyweight Championship against "Macho Man" Randy Savage, and the team of Dynamite Derek, J-Pac, and Ben Unhinged taking on Walter, Winslow, and DEFAULT of The Wiley Family. __TOC__ Background The Laugh Like Pee-wee match has always been recognized as one of the greatest opportunities of the entire calendar year. With its assistance, a number of durable competitors have used the 30-man brouhaha to propel themselves into an elite group of 17 individuals who have main evented Diaz's Fuck Fest. While former winners have inevitably returned for seconds, this year's Laugh Like Pee-wee will see the fewest number of former Fest finalists entered into the contest. The saying goes that when one door closes, another opens. In this instance, the door to enter this year's Pee-wee is closed to three of the top stars in the company. This leaves the other wide open for 30 of the best and brightest the world has to offer. For example, one of the fresh faces of Arrested Developmental will receive the opportunity to find himself within the ranks of the main roster of SvR06 and earn a main event championship match in his first outing. Otherwise, the opportunity awaits for anyone to become $100,000 richer. Of course, to do so they will have to have the fortitude to toss the incomparable Rock over the top rope. It's certainly a numbers game in this 30-man bout, a notion even more dangerous when considering how many entrants are bringing friends along for the ride. When it comes to statistics, it's certainly all about the numbers as well. Only a true master of endurance and dominance will be able to dethrone the records held by the Big Show. The Big Nasty Bastard holds claim to tossing a record 13 cumulative combatants out of the ring, while also touting the longest time spent in a match with 19:58. While certainly impressive, Ted DiBiase isn't without due credit. The Million Dollar Man takes second place with a total of 9 eliminated entrants, 7 of which were disposed of in his first appearance. It's this record for eliminations in a single Pee-wee that has yet to be surpassed. A number that is almost assured to be passed by each entrant is 19 seconds, which is the amount of time the competitor with the shortest appearance remained in the match. This unfortunate honor goes to The Kingpin, who returns to this year's match certainly hoping that history doesn't repeat itself. The one number we already can confirm for the 2015 edition is the number one, where Triple H is entering. The question is, who will find themselves approaching the ring second following the interim commissioner? This match is truly a golden opportunity, with the most telling number of all being that 80% of its winners have gone on to claim the World Heavyweight Championship. 30 will fight, but only 1 will conquer. Who's going to Diaz's Fuck Fest? Ricardo Diaz, smiling for the first time since making his unannounced return, publicly proclaimed that 2015 would be a new beginning for him. Diaz was confident that following Dr. Meinheimer, The Rock would be out of his thinning hair for the rest of his days. With this thorn in his side removed, the King of Coke took the opportunity to jovially announce his participation in the 2015 Laugh Like Pee-wee match. Vowing victory, Diaz ensured that the eleventh Fest would far surpass the tenth with a main event moment that nobody would ever forget. This proclamation was interrupted by the man that Diaz thought he would never see again: The Rock. The Great One made no attempt to hide the fact that Brock Lesnar and Vigo the Carpathian left him in a wounded state. Nevertheless, he refused to allow a couple of "Tag Team Chumpions" keep him out of the race. The Rock agreed with Diaz that the eleventh Fest would be capped off with a main event moment for the ages. But that was only due to the fact that he would be competing for the World Heavyweight Championship after winning the 30-man Laugh Like Pee-wee. Following this revelation, Diaz made another public statement. The individual who throws The Rock over the top rope on January 25th will be paid upfront the total sum of $100,000 in cash by Ricardo Diaz. This added incentive has competitors scrambling for a spot in the match, not only for the opportunity to main event the biggest event of the year, but to head home $100,000 richer. Two of these competitors have already crossed paths with the Brahma Bull. Brock Lesnar and Vigo the Carpathian, if nothing else, would like to finish where they left off at Dr. Meinheimer. The individuals that were intended to comprise Team Strange Bedfellows have been guaranteed a spot in the match as well, and would likely crave the cash prize as well. With a target clearly painted on his back, does The Rock stand a chance of winning this 30-man brouhaha or will Ricardo Diaz make good on his vows to seize victory? Or will one of the other 28 be left standing when the dust has settles? Only time will truly tell. Rather than hold a traditional holiday show this year, Triple H took the opportunity this weekend to call a very important press conference. The acting authority of SvR06 announced in advance that what he had to say would have major implications for the upcoming Laugh Like Pee-wee event on January 25. With reporters and photographers assembling in huge anticipation, Triple H ascended to the podium to announce to the world the next step of his new Game Plan initiative. As part of giving main event level opportunities to fresh faces, the number one entry spot in the 30-man Laugh Like Pee-wee match would be granted to an individual who exemplified what a new champion should represent. That individual, of course, turned out to be none other than Triple H himself. Razor Ramon took exception to this announcement, telling Triple H that he'd lost his way and gone mad with power. The Bad Guy included that he prays he's number two in the match-up so he can beat some sense into The Game. Although fearful that they may wake up the next day without a job, it goes without saying that many members of the roster would likely love to toss their self-appointed boss over the top rope. This is likely why Triple H also announced that Kane Paul, Tajiri, and Warrior had all qualified for the colossal bout at non-televised house shows throughout the month. William Regal was also awarded entry for his stellar work on commentary throughout the year. With Upper Management members and associates taking up over 15% of the playing field, the odds of a victory look pretty good for those in their company. Strength in numbers has a history of obtaining victories, something that the Church of Drewdaism will surely be aware of when entering the 2015 edition of the annual contest. But as spots begin to fill, could another be the conquering hero by the end of the night? With top names barred from competing in the match, Triple H's goal of seeing a fresh-faced challenger for the gold could prove fruitful in the end. After the events of Dr. Meinheimer, J-Pac, Ben Unhinged, and Dynamite Derek will no longer be able to challenge for the World Heavyweight Championship as long as the title remains around the waist of Sheamus. With that in mind, Triple H has begun an initiative to rebuild the main event scene by allowing new competitors to step up to the plate and face the enduring Celtic champion. Christening this reconstruction The Game Plan, Triple H declared that Laugh Like Pee-wee will be the inaugural event for this new movement. As we've seen in the past, Triple H believes that these spots are to be earned, especially if you're a unit that has recently stood in opposition of Upper Management. At Laugh Like Pee-wee, the team known as Reefer Madness will square off to determine who will challenge Sheamus later in the evening with the World Heavyweight Championship on the line. While RVD attempted to maintain a sense of partnership, Macho Man made it perfectly clear that he would stop at nothing to get his hands on the gold that has continued to elude him. The former World Tag Team Champions will collide at Laugh Like Pee-wee, all for a shot at the World Heavyweight Title. Will this turn of events inevitably spell the end for Reefer Madness? After weeks of inquiring, The Wiley Family finally broke their silence in regards to why they've decided to put their differences aside and join forces. As they explained it, after DEFAULT's firing at the hands of Triple H, the source of their bitter battles was no longer a factor. For Walter, his desire for his successful son to bring him greater success was no longer a factor. For Winslow, the desire to see his nephew succeed, even if it meant standing in his way to get him to fight back against those holding him back, was no longer a factor. For DEFAULT, accepting the truth that without a job he had nothing left to lose. With that, and after being roadblocked by Walter and Winslow, DEFAULT came to the conclusion that he would never get anywhere without their help. After all, if you can't beat them then join them. The trio announced their interest in entering the playing field for the 2015 Laugh Like Pee-wee match at the end of the month. This idea was immediately vetoed by Triple H, who reminded the family that DEFAULT was not a currently contracted competitor and therefore could not compete for any championship opportunities. In response, Walter and Winslow withdrew their names from the bout as well, citing that it was all for one and one for all. Triple H countered, suggesting to DEFAULT that he could earn himself a full-time contract and a spot in the Pee-wee match if cooperated with management. The negotiations were cut short by the tandem of Dynamite Derek, Ben Unhinged, and J-Pac. The trio was outraged that Triple H would entertain the idea of allowing the Wileys, one of which was not currently signed to a deal, to enter the Laugh Like Pee-wee match before they were given the chance to have their championship opportunity ban lifted. Taking exception, the Wileys squared up to rebellious tandem, viewing them as a threat to their success. Triple H, nearly gushing with excitement, look at the six men staring each other down and saw dollar signs. With nothing available for these six top stars in relation to the title, Triple H decided to pit them against each other in a tag team match at the Laugh Like Pee-wee event. He assured the winning team that he would consider doing business with them after the year's inaugural show. These six combatants will stop at nothing to overcome the obstacles in the way of their goals, and on January 25th, the obstacles are each other. As for Triple H, there's no doubt that he would like to see his greatest opposition destroy themselves in a single match. As determined as these two teams are break through the walls that hinder them, it will be a miracle if they will all still be able to walk away by the end of the night. In his first opinion piece of the year, Nateflix produced a vicious criticism of those who voted against him for the Breakout Star of the Year category in the 2014 SvR06 Awards. He pointed out that in the past year, he has defeated every other candidate for that award in decisive fashion. Most impressively, in the crass critic's eyes, was his submission victory over Mark Jindrak. The Intercontinental Champion claimed that he has been raising the star rating of his title ever since he won it, and that none of the other so-called breakout stars could ever carry it to the heights that he has. Jindrak refused to be criticized, claiming that he was caught off guard at Dr. Meinheimer and that he knows he can beat Nateflix. The champion advised the Master of the Mark-out to not take any more steps on the proverbial Jacob's Ladder to greatness because he will never quite be able to climb high enough. The former World Heavyweight Champion dismissed Jindrak, saying that he intends to focus on entering the Laugh Like Pee-wee match and returning to the main event of the biggest show of the year. But Jindrak's persistence, as well as his self-assuredness that he could beat him, frustrated him to the point that he agreed to defend his title in any match just to prove that he was better. Given Nateflix's Jacob's Ladder analogy, Jindrak decided that he would prove himself to his opponent and to the world by climbing a literal ladder to the glory he craves. Nateflix agreed, assuring that it'll take much more to being a champion than sufficient climbing skills, as well that he would have plenty of energy left to enter his name in the 30-man bout after his victory. Will the challenger be able to provide us with his biggest Mark-out Moment yet or will the Five-Star Superstar officially pave Jindrak's name into his Walk of Shame? The Kingpin has carried the Million Dollar belt since May of 2013, making him the current longest reigning champion. Of course, the title hasn't been placed on the line since that particular Memorial Day. For this very reason, the King of the Ring will be slated to compete in a second match besides the 30-man Laugh Like Pee-wee. The richest prize will be put up for grabs in an open challenge, where everyone and anyone is eligible compete. Tensions were already high between he and tag team partner, Carlito, with the two both entered into the evening's main event. With a title opportunity like this, the longest reigning WWE Champion in SvR06 history may have his sights set on putting another belt around his waist yet again. Who do you think will be Kingpin's mystery opponent, and will be the new Million Dollar Champion by the end of Laugh Like Pee-wee? The up-and-coming stars of Arrested Developmental kicked off the year in a big way at Developmental Hell 10: A Cold Day In Hell. The event saw Upper Management member Kane Paul, with the assistance of chloroform, pick up a victory over Cody Rhodes after weeks of interfering in his matches. Curt Hennig ended Bad Boobs Barrett's lengthy reign as Good Hand Champion, while Tensai recaptured the Main Event Championship from rival Batista. But the biggest story, quite possibly, was the unexpected invasion of the returning Scott Steiner prior to the event. Fresh off of the eventful show, the stars of Arrested Developmental will be given a chance to seize the brass ring and enter the 30-man field at Laugh Like Pee-wee. Proving themselves worthy against other developing talents in a battle royal will earn them a spot in the biggest career opportunity of their young careers. What a story it would be if someone such as Illegal Alien, Mrs. Heymanbottom, or Vacant were to win two over-the-top-rope battles in one evening and headline Diaz's Fuck Fest without ever having competed in an SvR06 ring before. With rousing support from Triple H, Batista has announced his participation in the contest. The former Main Event Champion declared that he would use this event as a stepping stone for making good on his declaration to win the World Heavyweight Championship in 2015. With the entire youth roster assuredly clamoring for a position in this match, the speculation surrounding who will use this battle royal to join 29 others is certainly high. The biggest question, however, has to be whether or not the 2015 Laugh Like Pee-wee match will be the first to be won by a member of the Arrested Developmental brood. Results In the weeks leading up to the event, Triple H touted that Laugh Like Pee-wee would mark the beginning of his opportunity-awarding Game Plan initiative. However, it wouldn’t be until the night was done that we would all see just how ironic that title would seem. Who was left standing as the conquering hero with a championship match in their pocket? It’s been said that alliances go out the window at Laugh Like Pee-wee, and this match demonstrated that it was certainly every Macho Man for himself. Randy Savage squared off against his Reefer Madness partner Rob Van Dam for a shot at the World Heavyweight Championship later on. While a competitive battle, Macho Man’s aggression and drive to obtain the championship match that he has been yearning for throughout the past year was too much for RVD. With this victory, Savage was halfway to becoming the new champion and, based on his flailing tongue, he could practically taste the gold. The Kingpin had plenty on his plate going into his Million Dollar title defense. Not only was he facing a mystery opponent that he had no way to prepare for, he had the 30-man Laugh Like Pee-wee match to prepare for later on. Matters only got worse for the massive monarch when it was decided that this contest had been made a Tables match. As the audience waited in anticipation, a familiar laugh flooded the arena as “The Million Dollar Man” Ted DiBiase made his way to the ring. However, this insane clash of affluent opponents would not be restricted to the squared circle. Kingpin successfully put Million Dollar Man through the announce table, but was infuriated to discover that this did not count. The climax of the outrageous brouhaha saw DiBiase miraculously lift Kingpin into the air and slam him through thick, splintering wood to become the new Million Dollar Champion. At Dr. Meinheimer, Nateflix retained his Intercontinental Title in an elimination match by submitting Mark Jindrak. However, the ambitious Jindrak refused to accept defeat at the slanderous hands of Nateflix. As he’s been gradually climbing a figurative ladder for the past year, it was only fitting that the Master of the Mark-Out had to climb a literal ladder to claim Intercontinental gold. These two hungry combatants put everything on the line for the title suspended above the ring, including diving out of it from atop the towering ladders. Eventually, when it seemed that neither man could climb any longer, Jindrak pushed himself as hard as he could to the top of the ladder and retrieved his new Intercontinental Championship. 2014 was a breakout year for the reigning champion, and 2015 looks as if it will be even bigger. With a battle-worn challenger stepping into the ring with him, Sheamus appeared entirely confident that his 10-month stay on top would continue into its eleventh. What he hadn’t counted on, unfortunately, was Ben Unhinged interjecting himself into the match. Sheamus became focused on fighting off his rival on countless occasions throughout the match, a decision he would likely regret. It was this distraction that allowed Macho Man to grab the Celtic champion by the tights and bring his year-long crusade to become World Heavyweight Champion to a close. With the title leaving Sheamus’ possession, Ben, J-Pac, and Dynamite Derek are once again eligible to challenge for the gold. Six Arrested Developmental talents competed in a battle royal for a chance to enter the Laugh Like Pee-wee match at the end of the evening. The over-the-top-rope bout included Cruiserweight Champion Rey Mysterio, Shawn Michaels, “Just” Christian, Hardcore Champion Mankind, and Batista. The former Main Event Champion had vowed victory in the weeks leading up to the event. However, that was before he would be aware that returning rival Scott Steiner would be entering the fray after returning from injury at his hands. After “Just” Christian inadvertently found himself on the outside of the ring, Big Poppa Pump lifted Batista over the top rope to punch his ticket for the main event. At the local bar, Ben Unhinged was having a pre-match drink to prepare for the impending showdown against The Wiley Family. It was then that newly-crowned World Heavyweight Champion “Macho Man” Randy Savage entered the bar, flanked by a celebratory entourage. Taking note of his boisterous proclamations of being the greatest of all time, Ben reminded Savage that he wouldn’t be champion without his assistance. With the legitimacy of his accomplishment called into question, Savage snapped and proceeded to assault the Unhinged One with anything he could find. After tossing him over the bar and into a shelf of bottles, Macho Man fled the scene with his title tightly in his grasp. Dynamite Derek and J-Pac entered the ring for their six-man tag team match with The Wiley Family. Noteworthy by his absence, however, was Ben Unhinged. With the field no longer even, Walter, Winslow, and DEFAULT took advantage of the numbers game and primarily kept their opponents on their side of the ring. After an array of triple team maneuvers, Winslow covered J-Pac for the victory. With that, it was time for the annual Laugh Like Pee-wee match. As everyone already knew, Triple H was entering the match as the number 1 entrant, which he had claimed was to allow him to compete while giving others the opportunity at a later draw. However, his true intentions became apparent when Upper Management member Warrior entered the ring at number 2. The two awaited the arrival of their first victim, but never could have expected it to be Commissioner Barkley making his return from his indefinite mandatory vacation. The Chuckster wouldn’t be the only unannounced entrant to make an appearance in the match, as British Bulldog and Jimmy Hart would join the chaos as well. Bulldog had a noteworthy outing, managing to toss Triple H over and out of the match. Jimmy Hart, on the other hand, found himself on the other side of the ropes after only a mere 22 seconds at the hands of Fest X opponent Vigo the Carpathian. The true iron man of the match was Reverend Drew, who tossed out a total of six opponents in the 16 minutes and 43 seconds he spent in the ring. He would ultimately find himself in the final four along with Big Show, Ricardo Diaz, and The Rock. After teaming up to eliminate the record-holding Big Show, the reverend turned his attention to The Rock and the $100,000 that would be awarded to him for tossing the Brahma Bull out. Unfortunately for Drew, and Diaz, The Rock sent him sailing over the top rope. Seeing that nobody was apt enough to claim his six-figure reward, Diaz looked to do the job himself. His efforts were met with resistance, as well as a Rock Bottom from the People’s Champion. The Rock picked up the vanquished Diaz and propelled him over the top and to the floor to win the 2015 Laugh Like Pee-wee match. After spending the majority of the past year with Ricardo Diaz in his path, The Rock once again has an opportunity at the World Heavyweight Championship. But this time, it’s in the main event of Diaz’s Fuck Fest XI.